Today, gamers, I come to you with a conundrum: gender-based tropes in gaming. The impetus for this comes from a conversation over twitter with @dreadgazebo. So, where to begin?
The Surface Issue
As I see it, the systemic problem with sexism in games comes from the fact that they seem to be more popular among males than females. This by itself isn’t much of a problem. There are many hobbies where the majority of participants are of one gender or the other. I won’t name them here for the simple fact that I’d be talking out of my butt.
The problem arises when females show up in game or out and folks in a variety of positions at the table begin to behave inappropriately.
In Game: Players
“Are there any girls there? OK, but if there are any girls there, I want to DO them!”
–The Dead Alewives, Dungeons & Dragons Sketch
Let those of us males who have been in this place take notice. This is why we’re sometimes seen as “creepy.” Living vicariously through our characters is fine. That’s part of the fun of it. It’s when we start to try to live out the things we’re not so proud of (inadequate sex life, mainly), that this gets to be a bit much. Every maiden we meet is not an opportunity for sexual conquest. As players we already have to deal with being labeled latent sociopaths for our in-game behavior, we needn’t add rapist to that resume.
There’s another issue that can come off as just as creepy. It happens when I see people play the opposite gender. On its own, there’s not really a problem here. I have, however, know a guy who always plays females, and often describes his characters as young, nubile creatures that arouse desire wherever they go. I usually feel like taking a shower after an encounter with this guy. The “I’ll give you candy if you get in my car” twinkle in his eye doesn’t help.
I understand that’s an extreme example, but I’ve seen it in other gamers to a lesser extent. The idea of having a “hot chick” that’s all your own without having to go so far as kidnapping the captain of the local high school’s cheer leading squad may be appealing to some, but I really have to say, don’t play a hottie, unless there’s a good reason for it. Even I once made a Half-Elf female with a high CHA, and, by default, she was pretty, but I didn’t play her as my own personal excuse to think naughty things. Women in the games we play are just as valid as the innkeeper we owe money to for breaking their furniture. Sure, PCs and NPCs are all fictional, but that doesn’t mean our default mode is to pick up the hooker, drive to a quiet spot, use her services, then follow her after she leaves your car, beat her to death with a baseball bat, and take our money back. You know what I mean.
In Game: GMs
When we compose our plots, we as GMs are often roped in by the inherent ease of grasping at tropes. The unlikely hero, the “Powerful Artifact of Destiny”, and others often sneak their way into our sessions. One whose time has come to be retired, or at least re-examined, is the “Damsel in Distress”. Sure, there are tons of stories where the heroe(s) must rescue someone, and that someone is a girl, but does she need to be the helpless, lace-adorned heiress who could barely feed herself if left to her own devices? I submit that such a waste of space deserves to be eaten by the dragon.
I understand the need for rescue stories, but let’s consider alternatives. A shop-keeper. An adventurer who was simply overpowered. The possibilities are endless. The prize should be the satisfaction of a good deed done (-scoff- or the reward!), not the unfortunate victim, whose emotional state is probably already compromised.
Out of Game
This is a more general issue, but relevant since we’ve all been there. It is a commonly held belief that rpgs are a guys-only thing. This has been diminishing more and more over the years, as more girls seem to be getting into playing in this particular style of group dynamic, with its judgment free environment. There are still stumbling blocks, though. When a new girl walks into an FLGS, all male eyes are suddenly transfixed. Have we never seen a girl before? Perhaps it’s something more primal. We are on the hunt. What is one of our “gatherers” doing here? Now we are confused. Do we want to kill or reproduce?
Let’s think about that for a moment.
Ok, now that we’ve realized how appalling that sounds, let’s understand that, when we role-play, we’re not actually on the hunt. We’re actually a little closer to the gathering in the cave after the hunt. We should tell our primordial selves this. Once we understand that this impulse is part of our hardware, and that we needn’t be slaves to it, we should be able to find ourselves looking on the female gamer as a valued and necessary part of our experience.
As I’m writing this, I’m constantly reminded of “The Gamers 2: Dorkness Rising“. In the film a girl is introduced to the gaming group, where her focus on role-play and her contrarian concept of character optimization infuriates at least one other player, who, it seems, uses gaming as his primary outlet for his masculinity. The subtext to all the hilarity in this film is the question of whether a female can hold her own at the gaming table. The end result is that, not only can she, but her inclusion makes the game better for all, and it’s even suggested that the group becomes a better set of players because of her involvement.
So, let’s remember, while we’re not trying to entirely eliminate gender concepts from gaming, let’s keep in mind that this hobby isn’t a “No Girls Allowed” club. Certain aspects may appeal to certain people, and in different ways, but if we remember that the goal is for everyone to enjoy the experience, we’ll be that much further away from the social awkwardness of being involved in the hobby, and we’ll probably move away from our own social awkwardness when it comes to, as a particularly astute Hill Person put it, “Walking with Women.”
How do the rest of you think on this? Are we doomed to a male-dominated hobby? Can our female counterparts sit comfortably at the table? For you gamer girls out there, what are your concerns? Does it matter? Watch your threatened squares, friends. We don’t need to scare off everyone that enters them.
IMAGE NOTES: Grand Theft Auto 3 is property of Rockstar Games, Lothar of the Hill People is the property of NBC, and Wonder Woman is the property (not that we should ever consider a woman property) of DC Comics.
Link to add context to the issue:
http://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/e9jd7/guy_posts_pic_of_his_sister_and_larry_david/c16et83
I’ve been lucky enough to play in several games with female players and hopefully haven’t acted too horribly to them. One interesting point I’ve seen is that female characters tend to have high charisma no matter what gender the player is. I do see your point on people who play out their ideal mate, but it’s often more nuanced than just a charisma score.
One insight that helps me play female characters better is that men often see things in terms of challenges and tasks. Women often see things in terms of relationships and interaction. Yes, this is another stereotype, but it helps to get into the mindset a bit.
@Philo Good point. Allow me to say that stereotypes aren’t all bad when it comes to gaming (read: playing pretend), it’s when these ideas translate back into our OOC stuff that trouble happens. You need only look at the page Mike linked to above to see my point.
I always wonder if a lot of the issues with female gamers at the gaming table is just the lack of familiarity with the woman in question. Because female gamers are fewer and far between in many gaming circles, we (as males, or even other female gamers) don’t know if they (the new woman in question) are new to gaming, have preconceived notions about the game, or if they are life-long gamers just like us. A group of guys getting together basically know what is appropriate, what is inappropriate, and can “read each other” better than we can an unknown woman… so, then everyone sorta clams up and the games slow down, or one person tries to break the ice and often misses the mark completely and ends up embarrassing themselves or the new gamer at the table.
There is something to be said for a group of guys acting a bit chauvinistic… of course, if it is at a football or baseball game, playing poker at a friends place, or over some beers at a bar, it is accepted and no one is blogging about coarse comments made by the local jocks at the local drinking establishment… but then when those same guys (or their closet gaming friends, brothers, whatever) get together to play D&D or some other RPG people expect the guys behavior to change… but for most of the guys, it is likely that the gaming group may be their personal version of hanging out at the bar with the guys… so then a stranger, much less a female stranger, enters into their game, it is understandable (not necessarily right, but understandable) that they aren’t sure how to act.
I do wonder however what happens if a guy walks into a quilting convention with his sewing kit and swathes of cloth under one arm… don’t a lot of the women stare or have double-takes as the man walks by or stops to look at knitting supplies? Even for myself, walking into craft stores like Michael’s or Jo-ann Fabrics to search for gaming terrain materials, paints, and supplies, I have gotten strange looks from workers and grandmothers because I am out of place in a typically female-dominated store.
Of course, the bigger question posed by The Opportunist is are we condemned to a male dominated hobby… and it seems like we aren’t necessarily in that situation, because there are plenty of women that enjoy roleplaying and gaming, but until more guys become comfortable with females at the table, or until those females that do play help introduce more females to the world of gaming and roleplaying, we definitely are going to find women a minority and a curiosity at most tables IMHO.
Josh
Though I’m not much of a gamer, I do give video games a chance when invited and have played RPGs before. In the groups I’ve played in, the ratio was pretty even as far as males and females were concerned, so I’ve never encountered any negative gaming stereotypes based solely on my sex- it was more a judgement on gaming skill, if I was in character or not, etc., and for that I feel incredibly lucky (I just read Mike’s link and was pretty surprised how bad it can get) for how welcomed I was, both as a noob and as a woman.
In the past I’ve been the only girl in wood shop, played football with the boys in grade school, and went ice fishing with my dad and his buddies- not once in theose settings have I ever been treated differently because of who I was biologically. The closest I’ve ever gotten to the level of sexism you describe wasn’t even in the gaming community- it was in a writer’s guild, which I was both the youngest member and the only female who attended every meeting. There was only one or two guys who genuinely saw me as a writer first, and the closest to my age group- the older men were a little more difficult to deal with. One held the opinion that I was a kind of femmenazi, based solely on my masculine style of dress and my disscussion of how gender roles tend to be challenged in my writing. The founder of the group had a personal interest in me until I declined an invitation to his house (in my defense the guy kinda gave me a creepy vibe) after which he took the habit of sabotaging any attempt I took to explain my writing or express my opinion. In hindsight, I’m glad I left.
For the reversed roles, I have seen situations where there is the one guy in a mostly female environment- In high school the one guy in my sewing class wasn’t treated any different than the other classmates, by the teacher or the students, other than providing a male perspective during conversations on why guys do the things they do (trust me, there are times the menfolk do things that perplex us ladies…).
The times when someone is treated negatively just for being the gender minority are times that breaks my heart.